Forced to quit school after losing parents and became a maid to relatives

Hi Mamazala

Please post me as Anno

I'm 30 years old, lost my parents when I was still in high school doing matric. My parents both died same year, different months. When my mom started being sick I was in grade11, writing the final exam. She passed away 2weeks after being in grade 12,and my father passed away 4 days after my birthday. Went to stay with my relative after matric, I wasn't sure that I'll pass matric.

I got a scholarship, but because I was staying with my relative, they didn't allow me to further my studies. I took a gap year (during that gap year I was a maid at my relative) whilst my cousins(same age group) were attending at the most expensive colleges, I would cook, clean the house, do laundry and make sure that everyone is well taken care of.

I would cry myself to sleep every night, kept asking myself questions like :did my parents die for me to be a slave in my own relative's house? Is it because I finished matric in the most difficult time makes them this bitter? (bear in mind that my cousins didn't finish matric, with all the money and support they got).In 2018, I went to stay with 1 of my cousin's(an older cousin), she was sick and her mother couldn't come to take care of her...

I was turned in to a maid also when I got there, the mother asked if she could pay me 1k for taking care of her daughter. My response was "I mean no disrespect but I want her to get better so that I can go back home and live my life.We're no longer talking to each other because I chose my partner over them, Christmas and new years are no longer the same.

Sharp, since the death of my parents I had never for once celebrated my birthday, Christmas and new year. I have a son with the most amazing man, he paid lobola last year and since we dated I've been spending Christmas and new year with his family. His mother is doing everything she can to close the gap of my deceased parents.

He wants us to get married before the year ends and my biggest fear is walking down the aisle without my dad. I used to be so suicidal before meeting him.

It's been 13 years since my parents passed, it is still so hard for me to get closure. I stay with my aunt who is practically my mother but she can't fill their space in my heart and life.

Yes, some people may think that I'm selfish or ungrateful but that's not the truth, I still need my parents' love and hugs. Every time I see my peers with their parents I become very emotional. I was recommended to go to therapy but it had never worked.