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Madness galore

 Mamazala please help me if you can. I've started something that I now can not get out of. I joined a ritual to make me rich in exchange for blood. I have suffered so long in my life that I ended up resorting to darkness for survival.

The blood I use isn't from killing, but from used sanitary cloths. I must bring different sanitary cloths every month and at first it was fun and easy until I realized what the price was. 

I have money and a lot of it so it is very easy to attract women. I would be in relationships with so many different girls awaiting that time of the month. After getting what I have been waiting for then I'd leave them and lose contact because I was on to the next one.

I made a lot of money out of those things. I never really gave it much thought as to what would be the consequences and frankly I didn't even care. It's been 5 years now and I am tired of this life but it seems like there's no getting out.

I've tried settling down and getting married but both the women I had fallen inlove with went mad, they are mentally ill even now. Apparently I am not supposed to fall for anyone and if I do then being mentally ill is the consequence.

I then decided to live by myself, avoid women and just stop providing the monthly subscription and I myself would go crazy. I would find myself doing the weirdest things. I would run around digging in trash cans looking for used sanitary cloths and just start eating it like I haven't eaten in days. 

You know that feeling when you know what you are doing isn't normal but you can't help it? That's me. I am in dire need please anyone who can help me, please do.

The creature I am submitting this things to pops up every month and lingers around until I submit. If I don't submit then I start hearing things and I speak to myself. I run around looking for garbage bins. 

I've been to countless Sangomas and churches and nothing seems to work. The woman who initiated me just laughs at me when I seek help from her. 

She says only death will save me. I even have suicidal thoughts now because honestly I am so tired of this life. I don't even want the money anymore. I miss my life of hustling and struggling.