MY HUSBAND IS DEAD IN HIS COUNTRY BUT ALIVE IN MINE...COULD I BE MARRIED TO A GHOST?
I got married to a Zimbabwean man who was died in his country then came to live in South Africa. I still haven't digested this and everytime i share my story it always feels so unreal.
I have two daughters with him and i still can't explain how i have children with a ghost. So 12 years ago i met a Zimbabwean man who was kind and loving. I had just broken up with my then boyfriend.
What attracted me to Everson was how much he loved my kids and gave them the kind of love and attention their dad never cared much to give them.
My ex was not a devoted dad at all. I then fell inlove with Everson. When i was pregnant for him with my third child and his first child he decided to pay lobola.
To me it felt like God had given me a second chance at love just so i can experience the beauty of love because i only knew the ugly side of love. My ex who is also the father of my first and second born kids never loved me enough, he broke me and made me lose self confidence. He made me feel like i was worth being loved or that no one will ever love me.
Everson came and restored all that my ex broke. We had one amazing marriage. But the only issue was when i wanted to meet his family, for my kids sake. I wanted our children to know their roots and their paternal home.
He always made promises that he would take us to his home one day but when the time came he would come up with excuses just so we postponed.
This went on for years that i eventualy stopped asking him about it. It annoyed me so much that i decided to let go of it. One thing that my husband really hated was being posted on any social media except for WhatsApp.
When we started dating i once posted him on Facebook and he got so angry that he deleted the picture then broke my phone but apologised the next day. He made an excuse that he is not comfortable being posted because that might put my life in danger. His story as to why my life would be in danger for posting him didn't make sense but i decided to let go of it.
If we took a pic together or i took a picture of him then it would dissapear the next day. He would make sure to delete it while i was sleeping. I somehow eventualy got used to such a life and stopped taking pictures nor posting them.
With time i then started suspecting that he could maybe be married in his country. I mean i had never met any of his blood relative, nor spoken to them on the phone and at the same time he kept postponing taking us to visit his village.
He was just a closed book and he was too secretive. I got tired of the secret life that he lived and one day i decided to post him on a zimbabwean page on Facebook and i pretended to be him, i pretended to be seeking for my family members in zimbabwe. After a couple of days i got an inbox from a Zimbabwean friend of his who told me that the person on my post looks like his late friend but the names were different.
We exchanged numbers and started calling each other, a couple of hours later my husband's sister called me. She was in so much shock when i sent her our lobola celebration pics and our children's pictures. She enquired about his birth marks and they matched.
Sadly this shocked his mother to death. On the week that his family was supposed to come to South Africa to meet their supposed late child the mother passed away so they had to cancel the trip. My husband on the other hand was glueless of what was happening.
So he started being ill a bit then he decided we go to his hometown. I was amazed that we were finaly going, on the way there i kept asking myself what would happens since they know him to be dead.
Upon arrival to his village he then pointed at his mom's house and said that's my mom's house. You and the kids should go there and wait for me there but when you get there tell them you are Akashinga's wife. I froze a bit because that's the name his friend and sister called him by when i spoke to them. So where does the Everson name come from? I silently asked myself.
He said this to us while walking away, he said he was going to gather his relatives to come meet us. He said that's how his culture works. Before arriving at your mother's house you must gather your relatives first for a proper welcome.
Upon arrival at his mother's house, they recieved us well because they were expecting us. But they were looking forward to seeing him more than anything to witness this scary ordeal we were facing.
Hours passed and he was no show. His sister then sent her kids to look for him at their relatives and a few minutes later the kids came back without him. He apparently never showed up in their homes. They too had come to ask how the sister would send the kids to look for a deceased person whom they buried years ago.
I then told them my story and showed them pictures and they were shocked. They were terrified and so was i now. Days passed and he never came back. The family showed me his pictures and it was indeed my Everson.
The family took me and my kids to his grave and that was the closure i ever got. A couple of weeks passed and since there was no sign of him the kids and i decided to go back to south Africa.
When we got to South Africa i was hoping we would maybe find him here but he was nowhere to be found. It's been years now and i still wonder how and why i have the children i had with him if he was a ghost. I can't stop 2wondering what had happened to him. Not a day passes by without me wondering what life i had been living and if i really have children with a ghost.
Anyone who can help me unscrumble this life and give me answers i would forever be grateful.
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