Make me anonymous admin,I don't know if izitanga zam are here but I'm a 56 year old man seeking for help. I feel like my life is falling apart right before my eyes. Many years ago I dated this young lady from my village. She came from a very good family in terms of financialy and I came from a struggling family.
After passing matric her family took her to varsity. She loved me enough to share her monthly allowance with me and sometimes when I felt like the walls at home closing in on me she would invite me to visit her for a few days at res just so I can breath.
Eventually she finished her studies and graduated then she got a job as a nurse. She was studying nursing by the way. Her family didn't approve of our relationship because my life had no direction. So when she started working she invited me to stay with her at her place of work. She made sure to get a job far from our village so could live n peace away from her family.
She bought me a taxi and said I should use it to carry school fees so I can also make a bit of living and not depend so much on her because she can see that it bothers me and makes me doubt myself as a man. I was so happy and I promised her that I'll soon pay lobola for her because she was a good woman and I never want to lose her.
I became very familiar with the place and made
good connections. The taxi association even invited them to join them on weekends and during school holidays. A lot of people liked me and it was like I carried so much grace with me because everything I touched turned into gold.
Within two years I was able to buy another taxi. I even got a job of transporting staff from different companies an before I know it my taxi Business had grown and I even had my own lines at the taxi rank on a day to day basis. I got 6 taxis in 5 years life was great.
My girlfriend however was no longer happy and she was even losing weight. I didn't even pay much attention to the changes because to me she appeared as someone who was just annoying and needy. Always nagging and stuff. I was now going out more, drinking and eventually I started cheating. She used to fight with other women for me and that really made me very angry about her.
Before I knew it I became emotionally and physically abusive towards her. I felt like she now felt like she owned me each time she raised her concerns. I felt like she was behaving that way because she bought me the first taxi. I became a lion towards her and she became very scared of me. She had multiple miscarriages and that made me very angry too.
I wanted children and I thought she wasn't fit enough to be the mother of my children since she couldn't carry the children to full term. My cheating became worse and I sometimes would spend a whole week without going home to her. She tried a couple of times to remind me of the promises we had made to each other years ago and that too would annoy me.
I started blaming her for her family not liking me and I told her I'd never pay lobola money for because her family didn't deserve a single cent from me. I was so wild that different women would post pictures of me with them on social media with sweet captions.
I met this other woman and after dating her for a month she then fell pregnant. She gave birth to twins boys and I felt like God answered my prayers through her. Within a year of being with her I paid lobola for her ,had a huge wedding and also moved out of my girlfriend's house.
When my wife and I would fight,I would run to my ex for a shoulder to cry on and she accepted me. But as soon as my wife would call me to apologise I'd go back to her without even thinking twice abandoning my ex once again.
Along our on and offs my ex fell pregnant with my child but it was an ectopic pregnancy which ruptured her fallopian tube. As usual I wasn't there for her. I was out there living my best life with my wife and didn't care what my ex was going through.
On the second year again my ex fell pregnant again but this time the pregnancy survived and we had a son. But she also learned that she was hiv positive. Once again I was not there for her and the child I even forced her to terminate the pregnancy at some point because she was going to ruin my marriage.
She refused to terminate and I cut ties with her all together and never even bothered to go see the child. My ex couldn't take this anymore and she committed suicide. She left a note which apologised to her family and told her everything she went through with me and because of me.
Months after her passing things started going awfully wrong for me. I had 11 taxis by then. Lost three taxis in an accident in one month and mind you none of my taxis had insurance. Three months later another taxi got stolen. A year later 4 taxis broke down and I was involved in a car accident.
Money was becoming very tight and parents stopped using my taxis as mode of transportation for their kids, companies too also canceled their contract with me. Everyone kept saying my taxis were haunted even Passengers at the taxi rank refused to climb my taxis until the taxi association decided to strip off my lines from their taxi rank.
I had to sell the remaining taxis and my wife's true colours started showing. She was much younger than me so she started coming home very late drunk leaving me with the twins. She became a straat mate of note and sadly when I spoke up she called me a control freak. I took the kids home to my very old mom who looked at the twins once and said these are not ours.
That bothered me a lot as I was asking her to help me by staying with them as I was going through a rough time but she refused saying they are not my kids. I ended up doing a DNA test and it proved my mother right. It all started making sense that I met her while she was pregnant because she gave birth prematurely but the kids didn't look like prematures.
When we divorced she won the house because of the kids and I went back home with nothing. My son from my ex on the other hand looked exactly like me and my mom kept telling me that he was the only child that was mine. All this time I had other kids I was maintaining because I was told they were mind. When I finally demanded DNA tests from their mothers the women dissapeared.
I begged my family to ask for forgiveness from my ex's family and allow me to have a relationship with my son. They gave me the letter she wrote before taking her life and not only that but they demanded that I pay lobola for her even when she was no more to cleanse their family and also pay damages for my son.
I did as I was told because I wanted a relationship with my son so bad. My son is now 15 and he was given his mom's suicide note and he wants nothing to do with me. Sometimes I sit alone and ask myself the purpose of carrying on breathing and the answer is always nothing.
My villagers have turned against my family and I aswel it's just a sad life. You can just see that if they had it their way they would definitely end my life because my presence annoys the whole community.
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