How Initiation School Changed My Daughter for the Worst
Sending my daughter to initiation school was one of the biggest decisions I ever made. Like many parents, I believed it would teach her to be a strong and responsible woman, ready to face life’s challenges. In our culture, initiation schools are meant to guide young girls into adulthood. They are supposed to teach respect, discipline, and important lessons about being a woman. But for my daughter, it turned into something completely different—something harmful and dark.
In many cultures, initiation schools are places where girls spend weeks away from home. They live together, guided by elders or teachers who are supposed to help them learn about life. Before going, I was told that my daughter would be taught about womanhood, including how to take care of a home and family.
She would learn how to respect elders and behave in the community.They would learn cultural stories, songs, and traditions that help them understand their identity.Most importantly they would prepare them for marriage and adulthood.
There are certain rituals to be done such as:
- Cleansing Rituals: Girls are taken to special places, like rivers or forests, where they are bathed in traditional herbs. This is supposed to “wash away” childhood and prepare them for adulthood.
- Learning Lessons: During the day, the girls are taught lessons about respect, discipline, and how to behave like a woman. They are told how to handle challenges, take care of a family, and be proud of their culture.
- Secrecy: The teachings are often secret, and the girls are not allowed to talk about them when they return home.
- Special Ceremonies: At the end of the school, a big ceremony is held to celebrate their transformation into women. Families and communities come together to welcome them back.
When I sent my daughter to initiation school, I expected all of this. I believed it would help her grow into a confident and respectful woman. But when she came back, she was not the same.
At first, I thought she was just tired. She spent a lot of time alone and didn’t want to talk. But soon, her behavior became strange. She started whispering to herself, drawing strange things in her notebooks, and doing odd things in her room. It was like she wasn’t my daughter anymore.
When I asked her what happened at the school, she refused to tell me. She said she wasn’t allowed to talk about it. Over time, I noticed that what she learned there wasn’t just about being a woman. It included dark and scary practices—things that didn’t feel like part of our culture.
Looking back, I realize I didn’t know enough about the school before sending her. I trusted the people who told me it would help her. But not all initiation schools are the same. Some follow true cultural teachings, but others mix harmful practices that can confuse and hurt young girls.
My daughter went to become a woman, but she came back deeply changed, in ways I could not understand or help at first. She learned things that made her distant and secretive, and our family struggled to connect with her.
If you are thinking about sending your child to initiation school, please be very careful.
- Ask Questions: Talk to the people who run the school. Ask what they teach and what happens during the process.
- Talk to Others: Speak to parents whose children have already been to the school. Did their daughters come back happy and healthy?
- Know Your Child’s Needs: Not every child is ready for such an experience. Make sure your daughter understands what the school is about and feels ready for it.
Cultural traditions are important, but they should not harm our children. I hope sharing my story helps other parents make better decisions. My daughter’s journey is still ongoing, and I pray she can heal from this experience. I love her and will continue to support her every step of the way.
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